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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Irony of Separation

No one will disagree with me when I say that moments of separation are perhaps the most difficult moments in any person’s life. Perhaps what’s more trying than the aftermath of separation is the feeling of helplessness moments before the separation. The fading twilight of hope, of avoiding the inevitable, lights up even the bravest of minds. This hope sometimes overpowers us, makes us attempt to do things beyond our ken and which will never change anything. Be it jumping from the edge of the cliff trying to hold the hand the our falling loved one, or the last minute prayers of mercy to the Almighty to stop the departing soul in order to see our loved one alive for one more moment, a moment which might well redefine our life and give it a new direction. Or be it a relationship gone astray and destined to be ended, despite unwillingness from both sides, but must be done to avoid further sourness.

Despite all our last moment attempts before the mishap, the very moment when we get the feeling that something bad is actually happening and we cant stop it, the moment when our limbs fail to move and our brain stops its thoughts, we watch, as the sun of hope sets down below the mountain of agony, pain and unbearable hurt. These moments leave a scar, sometimes so deep, it virtually changes for us the meaning of life and our objective of living.

Some choose to become Messengers of God, deciding to lessen the pains of others by doing virtuous deeds sacrificing and destroying their very emotions which led to their sorrows: greed, lust, attraction….. the list goes on. Some who are not strong, get consumed by the poison of the situation and end their lives, unable to bear the sudden impulse of the emotional impact on them. Some very brave ones, lead on with their normal lives, absorbing the complete storm of anguish inside their hearts. But they too, never end their day without shedding one tear thinking about the pain.

But few just stay there, at that point of time unable to move even one step ahead. They just keep gazing at that moment, that very moment which changed everything, and made their apparently happy lives come to a halt. They become deaf to the sounds of carnivals and blind even to the audacious of colours. They just remain mute spectators of their own disaster.

The irony of separation is far more complex than what meets the eye. The agony, the pain and the hopelessness it gives to us is sometimes of such enormous amount that it makes us lose faith on the very ideals on which our lives are based. Few chosen ones have the courage and strength to put the shock behind and move on with ahead with their lives. But many just get consumed by the monstrous darkness of this disgraceful agony. They tend to hide from their own lives, from their past happiness. They just want to get lost in a crowd where nobody knows them nor they know anybody. They hide themselves even from their own reflection.

This is the very insanity of separation, that its virtually a compass of our lives. Like it, or hate it, it is inevitable. Like others, this is also one the beautiful creations of God. The pain of the past drives us to the uncertainty of the future, making us sometimes unaware of our present. This is the story of every evil and every sin, that a pain creates agony, and an uncontrolled agony gives birth to rage and then sin. This is the truth of separation, a daring example of the very insanity of the same.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Doesn’t perseverance without success deserve the same credit as success?

Sometimes I feel so discouraged when I fail to achieve something that I feel as if I've not got enough strength to take that one last step from attempt to success. And I have no reason not to feel in such a way. Since my childhood, I have not achieved enough success in any field, whether it be in academics, or literature or science, or any other form of extra-curricular activity. I was always the introvert boy in the last-but-one bench, who is noticed but barely taken into account. I always tried to keep my head up in the crowd, but always ended up getting lost. Everytime I went to do something good, or even out-of-the-box, everytime I has to retract my steps, because of one problem or the other. Sometimes it was my own fear of failure, I will admit that, but largely because of upwind circumstances. I always waited for my chance, and sometimes snatched a few, but always ended up disappointing myself and my peers. It’s hard to imagine I am unable to clear even a goddamned race in a mobile phone or even fight a bunch of monsters without cheats in a PC, forget about my real-life performances. I feel as if nobody wants me to win. Everytime, every single time I feel that something good is finally going to happen to me, something odd happens and I have to back-off, willingly or unwillingly. For once I want to do something big, something which will make atleast my close few notice me, take me seriously, appreciate me and encourage me and if God permits help me in reaching the top. For once I want to be in the top, as a winner, second to none. Nobody notices me in whatever I do, and people who wash dirty linen in public are given more importance . WHY?? Just because they are covering themselves in a outer shell with fake emotions pleasing everybody, lying and bitching about things they don’t even mean but I, on the other hand I expose my true colors of naked truth to the world, work in the daylight and give everyone a clear insight to my thoughts!!!

This isn't just my story, in every success story, we always forget the once who struggled more than the successful one but had to opt out or be forced out the race by unforeseen circumstances. They are the ones who are the hardest hit the hammer of fate, they neither get success nor appreciation. There are obvious exceptions of course, but this is the large picture. And I can relate to those people because I feel I am connected to them by similar fates.

It is so disgusting to see people go past us, sometimes on the way someone else shows them, without any acknowledgement or appreciation to their peers. Sometimes I feel like getting a gun and shoot all those people down. Everybody looks upto the winner, appreciates him, follows his path, but everybody forgets the one who strives with a true conviction in his heart, with dedication, but fails in the last moment. Just because they didn’t go the last mile doesn’t erase the fact that they travelled a long path with a virtue in their hearts which now-a-days is given to only a few blessed ones.

The question that should be asked to the world is that why the world always regard the success of the few who reached heights like the Everest and forget those who die persevering to climb to the top? Why the world has always acknowledged the Generals who fought and won wars, either out of need for lebensraum or greed for power, but few even remember those who fought their hearts out, killing themselves and seeing their brethrens getting killed to save their honor? Why always their has to be always a race for survival and not a combined effort for the same? These questions remain unanswered even today and I am sure with the way things go in this world, these questions will never see the daylight, that’s the tragedy of this world.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

A little more of less

Life, as I see it, is a perfect recipe of shattered hopes, overwhelming success with a well mixed garnish of inexplicable happiness coupled with unbearable pain. The happiness of gain and the resulting fear of loss of someone or something dear to us shows the very dilemma of life.

When I sit on my roof; which overlooks the neighbourhood, on one side I see people lying, backstabbing, masking, using others as tools, showing shameless greed and displaying every single human vice I can think of. Still, these people keep complaining about the sadness and bitterness of life, keep saying how life has become complicated and what if it could be changed. I am not disapproving of their way of life balancing it on the scale of virtues and vices. They do things which are practical, atleast in their points of view. But in the end they are not sure whether they are doing the right thing or not. Are they being practical or evil? Is the path on which they are going will ultimately take them where they will find what they “actually” want from their lives? Or will it keep them jailed in their own web of decitful practicality?

And on the other side, I see a handful of people who are satisfied with what they have, however little it maybe; people who show their very naked souls through their eyes, whose hearts are filled with generosity, kindness, fear of God and a desire to live their lives as happily as they can despite its shortcomings. These people greet everyone with open hearts, talk of God and Human Virtues, and despite seeing immeasurable failures in life, they still say life is a cake-walk. They walk with their own dignity, not caring what the other side of the world cares about them. They too have complaints about their lives, how desperate they are to get a little more of less they have in their lives, to complete it, without compromising with their way of life, hoping that the path of dignity in which they are walking is indeed a right choice. They too are unsure whether their path is right, but they just walk on, with a smile in heart alongside a hope, that their path will lead them to discover what they “actually” wanted from life.

I always wonder, how two different versions of the same life come from two different versions of the same Human Being, which infact ends in the same quest. The only explanation I feel satisfies me is that everything is a illusion. Our whole life is our own illusion. It is a super-natural, impulsive force which makes us drive our lives the way we want, but makes us end up getting nothing that we “actually” desired.

God made man in his own image. Its up to us to figure it all out; right, wrong, good, evil. In each of us lies the capacity to decide what drives our actions. So what is it that makes some choose selflessness: the need to devote oneself to something greater, while others know only self interest, isolating themselves in a world of their own making? Some seek love even if unrequited, while others are driven by fear and betrayal. There are those who see their choices as dark proof of God's absence while others follow a path of noble destiny. But in the end, good, evil, right or wrong, what we choose is never what we need, for that is the ultimate cosmic joke, the real gift that God has left behind.